Play pretend
by Iwasallbymyself
Summary: "The last part comes out in a scream and if it wasn t for Connor holding him back he would ve thrown himself over his newfound da, only to beat the living hell out of him. "


So this is their da. A big, hairy man with six pistols up his sleeve, it´s not exactly what he pictured in his head when he was a child. Anger flashes before his eyes when he looks at the man who left them, abandon them and ma. He sits on his bed in the motel room, that´s the size of a shoebox, with a cigarette in his mouth, glaring darkly at the man and his brother. Connor smiles and laughs with their so called da and talking like they´ve known each other for 27 years instead of 27 hours. His arm is now in a cast but it still hurts, but not as much as his heart. Rocco is dead. Thanks to him, he killed one of his best friends… The older man laughs loudly and puts his hand on his brothers´ knee. He clenches his fists and sucks in air between his teeth meanwhile he tries to calm himself down. But there is a fire in his heart of pure hatred that no one can put out. He hates the man and he want´s Connor to hate him to, but the look in Con´s eyes is not filled with hate or despise. It is filled with admiration and hope.

"You left." His voice is dark and low, full of accusing hatred. Connor and Noah´s laugh dies out, turning to thick silence. "Why?"

Connor glares at him, knowing that his younger half wants to start a fight. Noah on the other hand drops his gaze to the floor and sighs, not one day had gone by without him thinking of his family.

"I did it to protect you boys and your ma." Noah answers with his deep voice and catches his youngest son black stare. "I did it to save you from harm."

"That is mighty big of you." He sneers and stands up from his bed.

"Murph." Says Connor warningly.

"I can tell you, _da _that you failed." He says in a voice cold as ice and with loathing in every, single word. "You didn´t protect us or saved us from harm. You only made it fucking worse."

The last part comes out in a scream and if it wasn´t for Connor holding him back he would´ve thrown himself over his newfound da, only to beat the living hell out of him. Noah looks absolutely shocked meanwhile Connor tries to calm him down. But for once it isn´t working, Connors soothing voice and hands only makes him more pissed off. So he fights of the hand of his brother and storms out of the room, leaving behind two people who love him deeply. Outside it´s cold and dark, really dark and he suddenly feels that familiar fear returning. He wishes Connor was here, and Rocco. But Rocco left him, and so did Connor. Rocco is hanging out with Duke fucking Wayne now and Con is hanging out with their da. He has no one. Sure, he can play pretend. Pretend that his childhood wasn´t just a long, scary nightmare that he never can wake from. Pretend to forgive his da. But if his da´ would have been there ma would never have met Colin. Every night when the dark came, Colin would come to. He falls down on the cold sidewalk and start retching. Tears and bile hits the ground meanwhile he sobs loudly, slamming his fits hard against the unbreakable asphalt.

"Murph?!" Connors voice tries to stay strong, he knows that. He knows that his brother is trying to stay strong for him, and he also knows that Connor is about to lecture him. He feels his brothers' hand on his back, making their usual, small circles and it feels safe. "What is going on with you, Murphy?"

"Why are you talking to him? He left us." He mumbles quietly before he starts vomiting again.

Connor stands still next to his brother and feels so helpless. In all their life they wanted a father, and now they finally got one. Connor is grateful for that, knowing that their father had made a hard decision giving them up.

"If he would have been there for us, like a real fucking da, ma would never have met Colin."

One night, one of the hardest in his life, he finally told Connor about Colin. He had never seen Connor so angry before, so sad, so betrayed, so scared and so helpless. It had caused many fights and many tears, but it felt so much better to have gotten it of his chest. Well sometimes it did, not always. He hated the pity in Connors eyes, and he hated himself for making his brother feel like a he had failed him.

"Fuck Murph…" Connor sighs finally realizing why his brother freaked out. "If you want me to hate da I will."

"Really?" He asks quite shocked.

"Yeah, but I don´t think you want to hate da. I know you, brother. You want a da, like you always wanted, ever since you were a skinny, little kid with big ears, Dumbo."

"Fuck you!" He sniggers, knowing Connor is right. Like always. Damn it. "Yeah, maybe."

"Admit it, you want a daddy. You want daddy to give you a big kiss and read a bed time story before he tucks you in." Laughs Connor tauntingly as he ruffles his little brothers' hair playfully. "Am I right, Macho Murph?"

"Fuck you Con! I am fucking warning you!" He growls with a smile and trying to catch his brother who is dancing mockingly around him like he is a fucking christmas tree.

He tries to punch the dancing idiot but he misses by a mile to Connors amusement.

"Nice try, baby brother!"

"Shut it, I´m the oldest!" He grins and starts running after his brother.

"Hang on to that dream, Dumbo!"

Noah Macmanus stands in the window looking at his two boys and smiles. He knows that everything will be okay. He got his two sons back and he can´t help but laugh. The boys have definitely inherited their mothers, his loving Annabelle´s speech pattern.

"Screw you, fuckface!"

"Fuck you, dick-breath!"


End file.
